It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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