There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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