If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
