he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
