The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
