new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
