This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
