I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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