I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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