these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think i have herpe
just one?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
