you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
