Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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