meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
