I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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