my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
