Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My pussy is not your playground.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
