I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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