He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
