I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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