A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
