He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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