Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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