the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
