Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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