just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
