Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
