i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
