so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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