There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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