i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
