For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
