So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
