Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
