Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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