Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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