glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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