Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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