Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I supernannyed him into submission
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
