she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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