oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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