That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
