So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
