My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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