he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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