Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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