Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
