Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
