I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i came on her dog
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
