youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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