He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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