need another drink. this is the easiest way
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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