not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
