It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
