just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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