I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
