hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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