I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
